Wednesday, 19 December 2012

The Girl Code – One theory of equations we SHOULD have been taught in maths!

If X = Boy + Boy’s ex-girlfriend’s best friend (got that?) then X must stand for …
If X = Boy laughing at Girl’s best friend + Girl saying nothing then X must stand for …
If X = Girl A leaving Girl B on a night out for Boy then X must stand for …

You get my drift.
Sadly, the occurrence of actions X are all too frequent within the realms of sisterhood and the bonds of said ‘hood’ that those platform-wearing, lycra-loving Spice Girls used to bang on about in the 90’s are now well and truly pledges of a much simpler, far less girl on girl crime filled past. 'I had a friend who used to leave me on nights out to sleep with a guy she was seeing on and off' said one source, 'then one night at the pub he started saying the horriblest of things to me but my friend just stood by and laughed along with him.' Sigh.
Now I was no maths whizz at high school, often sat with my hand waving frantically in the air for hours before accepting my fate as the annoying number pitching neighbour but it doesn’t take an A* student to work out that clearly the Girl Code is one algebraic equation best avoided. Come on ladies, it’s no Pythagoras theorem that all those involved are heading for disaster, or worse, Jeremy Kyle’s STI ridden sofa. "And the lie-detector results say you were lying you rotton filthy git!" are not the words anyone wants to be hearing at half past 9 on a Monday morning! Only recently as I awoke swimming in my own despair did I experience first-hand the real necessity of abiding by one of the golden rules that comprise the Girl Code: do not hook up with any of your best mate’s back catalogue of exes.
OK OK OK, so whilst you’ll be thankful to learn that in reality, this did not happen and the despair in which I was swimming in was merely fluid of a bodily sweating-nature (phew!), I am however, admittedly guilty of one thing – dream cheating with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. What does this mean I hear you ask? Despite what you are all thinking, I am not in love with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend (Sorry *George) nor does it mean I have fallen out of love with my own (Sorry Will!). Perhaps, as thorough consultation with one friend has suggested, (we're an odd friendship group consisting of a tarot card reader, a dream analyst and a plain old realist) I expect to be cheated myself in some way, who knows. What I do know is that the experience was enough to make me count my luck I wasn't a regular in Hollyoaks!

But let's face it, we're all guilty of a Girl Code rule break here and there. You see, being a girl is tough. It's as much a Girl Code to let your best mate ditch you on a night out for their long time loving, 'Peter Andre' looking crush than it is for your friend not to ditch you. Confusing I know. I once trawled Facebook for hours in my desperate attempt to prove to a past fling that in some way or another, I was connected to his new girlfriend, i.e. that she was my sister's ex-boyfriend's best mate's dog walker. Not very Girl Code. So why are we all at it? And is it ever OK to fall for your friend's former flame?

Maybe this wasn't such a simple equation after all...



  1. hilarious, especially the comment about jeremy kyle! x

  2. Wow, I've done maths but those equations were confusing! I understand completely. But no wonder so many girls are getting it wrong.
    Erica xo

  3. Haha they are a little confusing eh!